These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
Randomize
