Have you finally orgasmed yet?
So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
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