You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
it actually wasnt that awkward...i planned on saying hello and walking away..then she asked if i wanted to go to lunch and i looked at her chest and said absolutely
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
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