Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
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