so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
Randomize
