Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
Randomize
