cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Randomize
