her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
i just google imaged poop.
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
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