I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
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