You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
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