I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
Randomize
