I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
Randomize