I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
Randomize