Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
No kidding. I just keep looking at that 'under 21 until 11/21/2011' on my id and whispering "soon enough"
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
I need to start dating older women. We tried sexting and she used more emojis than actual words. It was so bad that I did the math...her messages were 54% emoji. No one should make me feel this old when I'm only 28.
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
Randomize
