peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
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