the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
Of course I have a pirate flag
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
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