please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
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