I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
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