Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
just throwing this out there: period starts tomorrow sooo either sex tonight or not until tues/weds.
i get a bj anyways so it's really your choice.
k i'll be over in 5.
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
Randomize
