It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
Randomize
