I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
Randomize
