So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
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