The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
Do you ever think that bumblebee is the gay transformer?
Every day of my life.
Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
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