I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
how do you clear previous safari searches on an iPhone? i asked my brother to google something for me and "big penis" "empire chinese food" and "reverse cowgirl" popped up.
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
Randomize
