I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
Randomize
