I just saw Ann slam dunk her puke bag into a trash can on Avenue A. You ladies might want to consider putting the Patron shots down and going home.
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
Randomize
