he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
i kinda want to bang the mythbusters girl... i bet she's got a nice snapper
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
Randomize
