do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
can a staight man not wear seersucker in this town?
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize
