Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
Randomize
