omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
