Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
Life is so much better after having sex.
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
Randomize
