where does the pee come out of this thing
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
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