oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
You can see my drunken state get worse with each picture
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
she's p upset bro
Where is he. I have a sword.
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
Randomize
