How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
will power is for people who don't want to get laid
Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
They are going to name an STD after you.
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦ðŸ¼â€â™€ï¸
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
Randomize
