It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
Randomize
