Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
Randomize
