Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
Randomize
