It's a law of Nature, girls naturally hate eachother. It's only when there's no competition for a mate that they can hate each other a little less and then are appropriated into the "BFF" slot.
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
Randomize
