I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
Even the bartender felt bad for me
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
to answer your questions bluetooth, 30ft, like a tampon, ask her, her idea, got tired of trying to find her in crowed clubs
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
Randomize
