He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
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