JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
Randomize