I don't think brook has ever known best
Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
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