I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
i dont even know how to be here
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
It's going to take a while to see a dick pic that I enjoy more than richs helicopter video
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
Randomize
