Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
like why cant he just admit that he still wants to fuck me even though im underage
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
how drunk are you?
Several
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
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