I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
Also I like this area. Lots of places for me to get tacos.
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
Randomize
