she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
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