i can't believe i had my finger in that
It really wasent that hard. The male one had a M and the woman one had a W. I just couldent comprehend that at the time.
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
Randomize
