new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
Randomize
