She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
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