its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
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