I sk at the spereo and my dad gave me and all access pass
what???
AN ALL ACCESS PASSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS
How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
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