I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
My history teacher just took his shirt off cuz the classroom was to hot. And then he invited us all to join him.
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
Randomize
