You can't special order awesome
You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
Im part way to drunk.
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
Randomize
