yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
Randomize
