One girl and one boy is just not enough.
Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
Randomize
