somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
Randomize
