mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
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