We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
Ill go to bed but tamed sharks isnt so much of a bad idea. Not for riding
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
Randomize
