Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
Randomize
