Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
Randomize
