Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
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