I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
): 100 percent naked, unless you count a tiara as clothing.
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
Randomize
