I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
pls come tAke this super bath no romo it's just. so nice.
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
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