Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
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